Why The New Star Wars Teaser Is A New Hope | Seek First Productions

Thanksgiving is now my favorite holiday.

Why? Because I'm one of the lucky few who got to see the Star Wars: The Force Awakens teaser in a theatre last Friday. I resisted the temptation to see the teaser on my pathetic 15" laptop screen, so I could witness the rebirth of Star Wars the way it was meant to be seen. It. Was. GLORIOUS. 

 



It’s not just that it's a good teaser, it is an essay of assurance from Jar Jar Abrams that this film will be void of all things Jar Jar. At the very worst, it will be what we inevitably wish Star Trek 3 was like.

Yet, there is a shockingly large number of haters online just blasting this teaser. I’m hear to tell these haters to shake it off, cause this teaser is objectively the best.

Let’s take it frame by frame...

 

I DON’T LIKE SAND

https://cdn1.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/l9DqTvCchVpx4zZNyVmSrSGmPko=/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2507588/Screen_Shot_2014-12-01_at_1.09.14_PM.0.png

I LOVE SAND. Sand reminds me of Tatooine, and I love Tatooine. If you don’t love Tatooine then you’re tacky and I hate you.



BOO!(YEGA)

https://ewpopwatch.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/star-wars-2.png

OH GOSH. John Boyega is a storm trooper! And he’s black! And he’s a storm trooper! He’s a black storm trooper! I guess what I’m trying to say is, he’s not Jango Fett. This means one of two things:

- Storm Troopers are now going to adhere to conscription, implying that the clone program has phased out.

- John Boyega is a Storm Trooper in disguise. Potentially a callback to episode IV’s Luke (much of that film also takes place on the desert planet).

However you look at it, the implication rests that we are departing from the clone material from episodes II and III,  and returning to a world that feels more in line with the original trilogy. ALL GOOD THINGS. If you don’t like this, I truly don’t understand you. Get over it, and leave this trooper alone.

 

R2, U2?

http://news.entertainmentearth.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/star-wars-7-orange-r2-unit.png

So, it’s not R2D2, but it’s definitely an R2 unit. I have a feeling he roots for Manchester United. Who doesn’t love soccer and robots? This little guy is basically bringing both of those camps together... a win.



SAVING PRIVATE JOHN

 http://static2.hypable.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Star-Wars-Stormtroopers.jpg?9f5c9e

Well that’s a bit too much soccer from one day... MORE STORM TROOPERS. Maybe our bro John is in there? WE DON’T KNOW. IT’S JUST A TEASER, DUMMY. One thing is definitely for sure. We got Storm Troopers. We got laser guns. We got some sort of space dropship Normandy beach action that’s about to happen. This is the OPPOSITE of “fubar” yall.

 

The Woop Bike

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/79374000/jpg/_79374404_sw6-bike.jpg 

It speeds away and it’s all like “woop woop woop”. Just leave it to Star Wars to make farm equipment the coolest thing ever.

It also looks like a popsicle. 

Popsicles rule. 

 

X-WINGS!

 https://ewpopwatch.files.wordpress.com/2014/11/star-wars-10.png

I will never love a woman the way I loved seeing these guys show up.

Everyone’s favorite dogfighting spaceship is back, and with a slick new look! I particularly appreciated the nostalgic camera angle framed over Oscar Issac in the cockpit. Very reminiscent of another movie I’m also a fan of... I think it was called STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE. .. or something.

 

DAT SABER

http://cdn.screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/Star-Wars-7-The-Force-Awakens-Sith-Lightsaber-Photo-1024x429.jpg 

I’m not going to spend a lot of time here. If you think this new lightsaber is dumb then I think that YOU’RE dumb... I am sincerely sorry that this imaginary universe’s fake sword using imaginary magic technology is too unrealistic for you. Also, you have bad taste.

MOVING.

ON.

 

DUNNNNN! DA NA NUNNN... DA NA NAA NA...

http://cdn1.sciencefiction.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Star-Wars-7-Trailer-Millenium-Falcon-Tie-Fighters.jpg
IT’S THE MLEIMINMM FALCOM AND IT SWOOOSSHHH BAM PEW PEW AND WOAH TYE FIGHTTTERZ IT SO OH MY GOOOOODNDFF DA BAM PEW DON GET COCKY KID GG WHAT ISdjs

 

Chris

Director of Digital Content

Nashville, TN

 

Edit: Hey guys, this is James. CEO of Seek First. I’m really sorry about this. I found Chris crying on his desk shortly after he posted this, with three monitors playing the Star Wars: The Force Awakens teaser at once. I had asked Chris to post something about Hollywood’s obsession with film trilogies and establishing cinematic universes... but he wrote this instead. We’ll do better next week.

I personally don’t care for this teaser. Seems kinda dumb to me.